10 Commandments Of Parenting Teenagers

As we all know and regret deeply, kids aren't born with instruction manuals informing us of the intricacies of how they work. As parents, our only option is to learn as we go. When our kids were babies, we learned to nap when they napped, to put valuables up on the high shelves, and that m&ms make excellent bribing tools when potty training. But now that your baby is no longer a baby (although he still may act that way from time to time), there is a whole new set of instructions to learn.

Parenting a teenager is a fulltime job, because being a teenager is also a fulltime job. Sure, they may busy themselves with school, sports, and text-messaging, but their true raison-d'etre is to perpetuate their teenager-ness 24/7. Which means while you are slacking off doing things like breathing and living, your teenagers are doing things like plotting and scheming. (They will throw in some sleeping as well, what with being teenagers and all.) Because their lives are all about them, and yours is all about working, cooking, cleaning, paying the taxes, and still finding time for Dancing With The Stars, they have the upper hand.

Were you ever a lifeguard? Me neither. As Woody Allen once said, I don't tan; I stroke. But as any lifeguard will tell you, the biggest threat to their personal safety is not a riptide or a shark. It's a swimmer in trouble. Yes, the very person they are dedicated to help will, in their own panic and hysteria, threaten to destroy them both. Sound familiar? That's because you're the parent of a teenager.

When babies, your children caused you to become sleep deprived, overwhelmed, and drink excessively. Now that they're older, they still cause you to become sleep deprived, overwhelmed, and drink excessively. As you've heard, the more things change, the more they stay the same, and that holds true for parenting as well. So how do you survive? How do you get through each day with the constant screaming, crying and demands (I'm talking about from your teens, not your babies). You follow the rules of course. For as lost as you may feel parenting your teens, there are some guidelines to follow to help you keep your sanity. Or, what's left of your sanity after parenting for so many years.

Therefore, to help you deal with your troublesome teen, keep the following rules in mind:

The Ten Commandments Of Parenting Teenagers

1. You are always right. And if you're not always right, it's because your parents messed you up when you were a kid
2. Praise in public, criticize in private. Most people do the opposite. Don't be like most people.
3.  Yes, you do have to tell them a thousand times. Stop counting and get over it. Now tell them again.
4. Your teens are smarter than you think, and stronger than you realize. So don't go acting all superior just because you have wrinkles and credit cards.
5. Remember they are growing up a lot faster than you did. Advantage, you. Growing up fast is way overrated.
6. When they really screw up is when they need you most. If your parents comforted you in those situations, remember how good it felt? And if they didn't, remember how much worse it made you feel?
7. Their defeats are 50% yours, but their victories are 100% theirs. Not exactly sure what that means, it showed up in a fortune cookie. But it feels true.
8. Remind yourself, they won't be teenagers forever. Someday you will look back on these years and laugh. Definitely. Probably. Maybe.
9. Love them enough to let them hate you. Don't be their friend. Be their parent. Friends come and go. You're all-in.
10. Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you bleed internally.
11. (Bonus Commandment) You can do this.

If you keep these commandments in mind, you'll be much better equipped to tread through the dangerous road of teenhood. These rules will enable you to survive the tough times filled with defiance, rebellion, and constant eye-rolling. Like anything else from working a remote control to getting through airport security, familiarizing yourself with the rules will makes things run much smoother (although I still manage to carry-on some forbidden article like one too many ounces of liquid, that sends me straight to the frisking area). Print out this list of commandments and keep it close. Stick it on the fridge for battles at home. Keep it in your wallet to for troubles on-the-go. And remember, if you can manage to get through this difficult stage of raising teenagers, in a few years when they move out, you'll be rewarded with a lovely spare bedroom to convert into your dream room!

Copyright © 2009 Joanne Kimes and R.J. Colleary with Rebecca Rutledge, PhD, authors of Teenagers Suck: What to do when missed curfews, texting, and "Mom can I have the keys?" make you miserable

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Parenting Teenager Tips

This article reveals 5 Big Fat Lies to Being a Perfect Parent.

Many parents As a counselor, I have seen myself running ragged trying to be "The Perfect Parent" for their teenagers. When their efforts failed and the relationship with their adolescent children are lacking, many parents may feel frustrated and disappointed. Here are some myth busters how to be a Perfect Parent.

In order to have a good relationship with my teens, I need:

1. Spend every moment with my teenage son

Somehow there is a high thought that a good relationship with the teen began to spend all day, every day with them. As if "Perfect Parents" are the ones who spend all their free time with their teenage children, filling their days shopping at the mall, or work happily together in the backyard.

Yes, and no! Spending time with their parents is something that most teens really want, and enjoy doing. However, teenagers also crave their independence. It is better to find the time and consistently meet with them, rather than trying shortness your teen. As in the end, this can encourage teenagers crazy.

2. Having a serious discourse of philosophy of life every morning.

In the morning could be as difficult day for parents and teens. hurried parents often try to get their teenage kids just got up out the door, usually with some kind of half - eaten cake hanging out of their mouths.

Store in a deep philosophical discussion for a while if there is no interference. Making the morning as smooth as possible. For many people, how they start the morning they will determine their mood for the rest of the day.

3. Use every last penny of my salary to my every behavior of adolescents

Parents want the best for their teenagers, and enjoy able to give their teens and gadget gifts they do not have their adolescence. However, sometimes parents can be carried and further extend yourself financially, when trying to give their teenage life as possible.

The irony is that most teenagers do not always want a lot of money rained down on them. Now make no mistake, most will receive a monetary prize and extravagance. But if parents try to show love by spending money on them, it is very likely to backfire. Teens quite interested because it can distinguish between authentic love and admiration purchased.

4. Know the answer to all their questions

As parents, we want to "go to person" for our youth. However, some parents consider filling this position means they must be broad wise for all of life's problems. As if their inability to give an answer is equivalent to a failure as a parent.

Horse Hockey! What is a parent? Finding someone who might know the answer. Being able to point your teen in the right direction would encourage self-determination, and it will show that you listen and take their questions seriously.

5. Be "cool" parents

Many parents try to be "cool" parents who blend into the crowd of teenagers. They dress part, listening to the same music as their teens, and even tried to take the hose during the day. While the intent to connect with the world is the noble youth, this can often cause embarrassment for you and your teen.

Instead, just be yourself. This is not to say that as a parent you can not wear clothes today, and contemporary. Also that you can not share the same taste in music or popular culture with your teen. However, the rule of thumb is authenticity rather than switch to become self-teens by trying to "adapt" You may find that your teen respect for you is not based on what you wear, but who you are.

Reference:
[1] Terre Grable,  http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Terre_Grable

10 Tips For Good Parenting

Are you young parents?
This article, written by  Maurie Taylor is very fruitful for you to be good parent!

What is the definition of a parent "good"? Is someone who maintains? A person who is a discipline? Someone who is a friend? Perhaps the parents of "good" each have qualities and more. The challenge of parenting is that each parent must come to know their children - and themselves - and make important decisions about the kind of parents they will. I believe that the definition of a parent "good" is the parents who prepare their children for life in which parents no longer needed. In short, parents who allow themselves to be "not necessary" may be parents who do a good job parenting.

My child, 18 and 17, continue towards the final goal. Every day they make decisions that more and more "" of their own. In the teachings of my parents worked at a local community center, I was often asked by clients, "what makes a good parent?" Because parents are very daunting task and each parent and child is so unique, the answer to that question is one approach me cautiously and thoughtfully, and with much humility. However, I believe that parents who better to make the world a better and care taken in concert with others who have lived and learned. Here are my suggestions:

1 - Say "yes" as much as possible. Saying yes does not mean unlimited. You can say, "Yes, you can have your cookie AFTER your dinner." or "Yes, you can play with your friends AFTER you clean your room."

2 - Hold on loosely but do not let go. Of course, this rock song, but it works in most relationships, especially parents. The goal of parenting is to get people depending independent in every way: socially, financially, spiritually and emotionally. I compare a good parent to a sledding slope. The infant's first year is about the basics: getting all the necessary tools together, feel comfortable, find the groove. This is a hard, physical work and sometimes exhausting. Five years into the future is a trip up the mountain where issues of trust in the relationship of their most delicate care. The kids asked, "Can I count on you?" during these times and parents must answer back, "Sure." Five years into the future is the way to the bottom where is all about only a guide and enjoy the journey and recovery from wiped out. Celebration and reflection are the hallmarks of this phase.

3 - Know the difference in the agreements and contracts. agreement is an agreement based on one person while the contract is an agreement based on two people. Child is a treaty in the sense that love is there for children at no cost, expense or effort on their part. My kids can not get my love, it is me to give. There are things in that relationship, though, that need to contractual agreements, not necessarily in a legal sense, but in terms of the agreement. "When you've finished your homework, we'll go to the movies." or "when the next grade, you can have access to a car."

4 - My children are not "me." I'm grateful (and simple) to be part of the process of making my kids but they are not mine. I do not have them and in fact, my role is to give them a chance for them to be the boss "self" is not for me to be the boss "them."

5 - My children do not carry on my dreams. What a tremendous burden for the children to struggle under the weight of expectations of parents and dream. I want my children to have their own dreams, not burdened with unfulfilled dreams in my life. That means that when they are in the field of life - either metaphorically or physcially - my role is to cheer on my kids and their teams. My children do not have to struggle under my past no matter how noble or pathetic.

6 - Speak the truth into their lives if possible. Child is an opportunity for parents to create opportunities where children see themselves in the story of life. This means that parents can actually speak what can be a life of their children if possible. This is why parents give children the message that they are very important because from the viewpoint of the child's parents is a mirror where they see themselves. Sometimes it sounds like a fiction story when you say d, "I know you can reach the goal _____!" And sometimes it may be an impossible dream. The purpose of dreams is to create a new reality that can be achieved only by looking at the possibility of resistance, both in bad, perhaps impossible.

Conversely, it is the role of parents to guide children to areas where they may be more suitable. While I am not going to prevent my children to try new things I can see where they might have more natural talent and can encourage their development in the field of music, art or sports whenever I can. The final decision for my child to go where, however, is their own.

7 - Be a screw up - I believe that children need guidance, not perfection. In fact, I believe that the role of parents is to create a settlement is not perfect. Children, by design, is as much about the formation of a parent for the children. Simple approach to parenting is transformative in that parents will learn a lot about themselves and the world through the process of good parenting as children will.

8 - Companion to # 7 - Say "I'm sorry" quickly - I have no problem saying "I failed!" for my children if necessary. The truth is that I blew every day. Despite the humble to realize that my kids already know more than I do math ability, also convincing. No parent can know everything every parent also can not be everything to their children. Parents can, however, let their children know that they cared and that they are not alone.

9 - Having a partner - Are married or not, parents need support. I am thankful for my husband 21 years of talented in a way that I never could. As our children grow up I amused by how my husband is able to describe the knot with our children. Other times my parents' skills may be better suited for certain situations. Knowing the needs of children and what is most needed at that moment is a skill that must be learned as you know your child. Be patient with this process and with yourself. (See 7 & 8 of the above!)

10 - Pray a lot - I believe that children are part of the design life with the creator who knows everything they need before they ever take a first breath. In fact that is my prayer in the bleak days of care, "YOU know what they need, help them even though I am."

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Maurie_Traylor